My Old Kentucky Home

So we got back from Kentucky on Monday the 15th at 2:00am. Let's summarize the drives to and from Kentucky - Awful. The DVDs that we brought along would not play in the DVD player in the car. Just kept spitting them out and not reading them. Then we got out our portable DVD player that has no battery power whatsoever. So we try plugging it into the car's jack. Nope, it won't work. So here we are- 10 minutes into a 15 hour trip and we realize that we have no entertainment for the kids. Luckily, their bedtime quickly approaches. So we change them into their pjs. The problem is that the sleep they are experiencing in a car seat is awful. And so, every 30 minutes or so, 1 of the kids would wake up and be super grumpy and start crying and wouldn't stop. This went on all night.

But aside from the drive, we had the best time ever. Morgan's son, Hunter, is now my kid's favorite kid. He had all the greatest toys, a really cool bed, and a trampoline in the backyard. The boys played beautifully together. Morgan and Jake were perfect hosts and even had us out to Ruth's Chris Steakhouse for dinner one night. We had the most relaxing time ever. Also, Tristan's real birthday fell on one of the days we were there, so we headed to Chuck E. Cheese. Remind me never to go there again. But the kids loved it! I swear the kids had the most fun ever. Also got to see another old friend, Amanda Butler! YAY!! She's the best and she is definitely going to heaven for being a 7th grade teacher!

Here are some of the pictures from the trip:

 

 

 

 

Changes

So some of you may or may not have noticed but I'm not on Facebook anymore. I needed a break before all this crap happened and I never took it. I mean, I don't have the will power to not look at Facebook. So I challenged myself to deactivate my account and delete the app. I can't say it's been great but I know I needed it. Feel free to make fun of me because I always make fun of people that do this. But obviously, I have no self control.

And last week my dad had a mild stroke. He now has very little control of his left hand and left leg. He has to go to physical therapy and they're hopeful he'll gain full control back. It was very scary and I hate seeing my dad weak. It's a very weird experience to see your parents frail at all. Makes you feel like they're old even though you don't feel like they are. My dad is a very tough guy though so I know that he'll fine before long. It did make me appreciate our large, fun, obnoxious, loud, dysfuctional family more though. We are always there for each other, even in the tough times.

Onto happier subjects.......in 1 week the Martinez family will be in Kentucky!! We are staying with the Wolf family and my kids couldn't be more excited. I have a rental car reserved but Vincent and I go back and forth on taking my car with the DVD player or the rental car with no entertainment and less room. We'll see. But we are thrilled. It'll be the first time that our families have all been together.....ever. Morgan, Jake, and Hunter are amazing and I wished they lived closer! Morgan and I have known each other for 13 years now. We lived in the same dorm and just down the hall from each other. We joined the same sorority and she became my Big Sis (even though she's younger than me). We've had some great times together and I'm so glad that we're still friends. Also it doesn't hurt that they are the best hosts ever. I never leave Kentucky without having a great time.

And this summer we are traveling fools because we have 2 more trips planned. One to Galveston with the whole Masdon family and one to Stanton, MO to visit another old friend and her family. Kim and Adam Ball are traveling from Michigan to see us. We decided to meet in the middle and go camping. I found this amazing place called the Meramec Caverns, which looks really cool. So we made a plan to meet and have a Ball/Martinez Reunion. Kim and I went to UNT together 15 years ago. She went back to Michigan and I stayed in Texas. I have since been up there a couple of times but we are determined to see each now. Believe me, there will be drinking, laughter, and stories made on this trip. The Ball family is also made up of 3 boys. So there will be 6 boys, 4 adults and our 2 dogs and I'm sure the Balls will bring their dog - so be prepared for tons of pictures. Also Vincent and I haven't been camping since our honeymoon....almost 8 years ago. So, it'll be an adventure for sure.  :)

As for current state of affairs, we are good. The boys are at a new preschool and they love it. Tristan is about to finish Kindergarten and he jumped from the lowest tier of reading at the begining of the year to now being the highest tier. I couldn't be prouder. My job is amazing and although I'm busy, I love every minute of it. Vincent is doing great at his newish job too. So honestly, things are good outside of the chaos. I'm excited for the upcoming vacations and time with my family.

And to leave you with something adorable I have a video of Brayden. Every Tuesday we go to Rosa's Cafe for "Taco Tuesday". The kids love it and look forward to Tuesdays. Here is a video of Brayden saying "Taco Tuesday" - it's just too cute not to share :)

Perceptions

      

  (Young woman or old granny?)

      As I struggle through this awful thing that happened to my family, I go back and forth on what and if to blog again. Vincent and I have very different opinions. Vincent's view is one of a person that doesn't want to talk about it and move on. This is totally understandable and completely normal. My reaction is to blog about it to "cleanse" myself, if you will. This is normal for me. Vincent does not want this to happen. I get it. We all grieve in our own ways. But I have to respect him. He is my second half and my soul mate.
 
       So instead I will share with you the lessons I have learned from all of this. Perceptions that I have had previously that have been shattered. I admit that I was a little self-absorbed and too trusting of others and played a role in allowing this to happen. Below are my old perceptions and my new realities.

Perception: You can trust family.
Reality: Truth is, you can't trust family. 3 out of 4 adolescents are sexually assaulted by someone they know. That does lean towards family. Yes, this is extreme but in truth, just because they have similar DNA doesn't make them good people. It makes them part of your family tree. Also, how many divorces happen where someone gets custody of the children based on the testimony of a spouse divulging all those secrets that they had promised to always keep? Then they end up using them against the spouse. You're literally being betrayed by family. Yes I know this is not a "feel good" lesson. But it is a lesson that I have learned. A not-fun one, but one nonetheless.

Perception: Just because Vincent thinks I'm funny doesn't make me funny.
Reality: The experiences that Vincent and I share as parents and spouses that are especially entertaining may or may not be entertaining to others. People grow up differently. What may come off as hilarious to some couples may come off as offensive to others. This is hard for me because I think I'm hilarious. To learn that I'm not came as a shock. I mean, who doesn't appreciate good humor? I don't get it. But the truth is, some people don't have jobs or hobbies or children so they have time to analyze my extremely good humor and make it something it's not. I wish I could tell these people to have a child or at the very least become interested in the wild adventures of bird watching, but I can't. I just have to learn that these people exist and they will NEVER think I'm funny. I've tried several routes. It's just not happening.

Perception: People adore/love me.
Reality: They don't. I mean, my husband and kids do, no doubt. And of course my parents cause they had to raise me. But other than that, love becomes tricky. It starts having strings attached and expectations placed on it and when those expectations aren't met, feelings start to change.So, no, I don't have the personality that automatically makes people like me. Sometimes it automatically makes people hate me. I'm okay with it. But I've also had to be aware of it. This was not a fun lesson.

Perception: I am relatable.
Reality: I am not relatable to everyone. Everyone views their marriages differently and how it should be handled. Everyone views their children differently and how they should be raised. There is literally an opinion for almost every subject. And they're all different. For whatever self-absorbed reason, I thought my position was relatable to everyone. It is not. There is a small group of women that share my exact same opinions. The rest, unfortunately, do not. Do not allow this small group to make you think it's actually a big group. It's hard to make everyone happy. It won't happen, no matter how funny you are.

Perception: They're Christian so they're not judging.
Reality: I know a ton of you are laughing at this one but my background stems from a very religious one. In my eyes, Christians were all friends and standing against all those that were out to get us. Truth is, Christians are the easiest ones to become the biggest judgers of each other. They quickly forget about the grace of God and instead focus on the rules. Then they turn around and decide that though God didn't mention he needed "Jesus Police" on Earth, that they might just help him out and do it for Him. And boy do they pull the citizens arrest out. It's a shame because as Christians we should be helping each other and encouraging those around us. Not looking at others and deciding they're not living by the Bible so therefore they deserve to roast in Hell. Correct me if I'm wrong but I thought God was the only one that was going to judge? No?

Perception: I have to forgive immediately.
Reality: I don't. I'm allowed to have time to be angry. Although there is no set time on this anger, it is still allowed. I don't have to "shhhhhed" and told to "forgive and move on". This is terrible advice for a victim, by the way. Don't ever tell a victim of anything to "forgive and move on". I was wronged therefore I am allowed to feel this way until these feelings subside. This is done on my schedule and at my accord.

Perception: Marriages become stronger through crisis events.
Reality: They can. But it takes time and healing and communication. And also did I mention it's hard? Especially if the crisis has created 2 different viewpoints? Even inside my house there is still tension because of this event and there shouldn't be. These terrible people that brought this on us should be the ones having strife. Why are we? Vincent and I have had to slowly come back together as a team and realize that's the only way it's gonna get better. Not divulging too much but saying that these kinds of things affect a marriage, even the strongest of such.

Perception: I have to become someone I'm not to make it through this crap.
Reality: No I don't. I can still remain true to myself and not allow these awful people to win. I don't have to become a hermit that lives in the woods because they think that's where I belong. I can actually choose (and this is hard) to find what is good about myself and decide to not change it. I have gotten tons of advice from those very limited people that know what's going on. Most of the advice involves me never blogging, quitting Facebook, become quiet and self-reserved, never going out, and never allowing myself to trust anyone again. I just can't. If I am going to live a life that I want to live, I will live it as I please. Granted, I will take these lessons to heart but at the core I'm still me. I'm not some coward that's afraid to live her life. Just because someone isn't happy with who you are doesn't mean anything. Most likely, it means they hate themselves. But more importantly it means you can't let them change you. And I won't. This lesson took the longest but I'm bound and determined. I will not become a person that is not the Carmelle everyone knows and loves - loud, short, filter-less, funny, laughing, enjoying the moment, enjoying my friends, raising my children to be amazing, and appreciating everything that I have right now. They won't take that away from me. I refuse.


I apologize if this blog causes more confusion than help but this is a tough thing to write about. But I felt that I should somehow try to write about it. Soon, I should be back to writing normal blogs about my crazy house full of boys and my 2 terrible dogs. So if you didn't understand this one, just wait until the next one. It gets better. I promise. At least, that's what I've been told.

News

So yeah, at this point you've figured out something happened. I can't really go into details right now. Maybe in a few years after everything blows over. But because of my blog someone very close to me did something horrible to my family. It would've hurt anyway but it hurt more because of who this person was. I've decided that I'm not going to walk around being pessimistic because of it and not trusting people. I'm just gonna be more cognisant of what I say and do. I do want to continue to blog but right now there's a lot of pain associated with it. So it might be a couple of weeks before I jump back in.

Thanks to everyone that did join my blog and do indeed want to read what I write. You have no idea what that means to me.

Projects

   So if you know me then you know that I do not do DIY projects. This is not because I don't want to but because I don't have the time. I have 3 kids 5 and under and I work full-time. I'm exhausted all the time. In my downtime  I do not want to do additional work that requires my brain, I want to watch TV and drink a beer. Being creative takes brain power and I don't have it at the end of the day.

    But since Tristan has entered Kindergarten I have realized what I am up against- other working mothers that actually DIY and work. Great. So because I want to be the best mom that I can be (within reason) I have strived to do more. The following are my attempts at being better at life (not all of them are projects but just things I found on the Internet- sue me).

  First off, our couch cushions. Do not get me started on our couch. I hate it. But it started to show it's age when the cream colored cushions were gradually being ruined by our children. Then our fireplace broke and the repairman came and destroyed a pillow with soot so I was forced to do something about it because all he did about it was say "Sorry". So our pillow cushion covers can't be removed and washed because of the stuffing inside. Or so I thought. I gave it a whirl. I took the stuffing out and threw the cushion covers in the washer. Presto. Like new. I thought I should post in case you were dumb like me and didn't try it for oh, 8 years. Don't judge.

 

Before wash and soot covered

 



Before (other side)

 



 

Inside the cushion

 

 

Stuffing outside the cushion cover

 

 

AFTER

 

 

AFTER (other side)

 

 

  Onto Pinterest. I am super intimidated by Pinterest. Also, I judged it a little. Cause it seems like the moms on there are all stay-at-home moms with time during naps to do projects. Yeah, I judged harshly. It's just not true. I saw a project on bookshelves. You take spice racks from Ikea and paint them and then put them on the wall and voila, bookshelf. Seemed easy enough. So I decided to try it. I had to do it in phases. Last week, after work I went to Ikea and bought the spice racks. Then on Saturday I had the kids help me stain them to match our toy box. Then they had to dry. Then I put them together Sunday. Then today I put them on the wall. I am missing one because I ran out of screws to put it up but you get the idea. It made a HUGE difference. Thank goodness I gave Pinterest a chance.

Spice rack in package before we started 

  The boys helping me stain

 

Our bookshelf before (I know it's a mess but I make the kids pick up)

 



And after............

    Lastly I hate water. I mean, I can't stand it. People are amazed at how little I drink it, yet I am able
 to survive. I'm not exaggerating. Anyways a few weeks ago my doctor told me that I had to drink more water in order to help some health issues that I have. I went back and forth with him about it but needless to say, he's a doctor so he won. So I went home and Googled "how to drink more water". Truth. I really am that pathetic. It ended up being the greatest Google I ever did. I saw this blog on this woman that froze fruit in water in ice cube trays and then put it in water and so it melted and became a fruit-infused water. Hers, of course, was beautiful. Like this woman cut up pieces of fruit, daintly put them in the ice cube tray and then added water. Who has time for that? Please see first paragraph.
 
  So I bought a bag of frozen fruit. Then I put some of it in our Vitamix, added a bunch of water, and pureed it. Then I poured the pureed mix into ice cube trays. Then, the next morning before work I added the ice cubes to my water container, poured more water in and I was ready to go. Let me tell you this. It was delicious. Amazing. The ice cubes slowly met so it looks like a hot mess in my container but tastes like a watered-down smoothie. This may sound like a horrible option but when you are trying to suck down water, this is the best way to do it. The only problem is at work when it melts, I have no way of bringing more ice cubes with me. So instead I just bring the frozen fruit in a baggie and then put it in the container and add water. Not as good as the ice cubes but still better than dumb water.

 

  That's it. I want to post about it because it may be the only projects/self-improvement I ever do and I want proof of it.