Rekindle

So, here I am again. I have decided that I really am going to make more of an effort to blog. I always think of things to type and get distracted by the baby, toddler, or husband but I do have time during the day sometimes so I am going to try and type during that time. And, of course, since Monique needs my blog to live, this is for her.  :)

First things first, I got a Kindle. I love it! If anyone knows me they know that I can read really fast. This lovely talent came from not having a TV growing up so that really increased the value of my life. Or not. Obviously this should help in school but the thing is that if I don't find it interesting then I don't read as fast. So really this just applies to "reading for fun" books. And I have gone through quite a few books with this thing now. My mom and I both have one so she'll read something she likes, text me and tell me and I'll get it right then and I'll do the same thing for her. I really am in love with it. It's just another reason I don't blog anymore....  ;)

As for my precious Caleb, a victim of not being the first born. Meaning, no pictures of him. Poor thing. The only pictures I do have of him are ones that my sister-in-law takes of her first born that just happen to include Caleb. He does have dimples though and I do want to snap a picture of those because they're pretty big dimples. But once he gets big enough to hold his head up I will get my friend Heather, who is an amazing photographer, to take more family pictures of us. Until then, I will have to try and get a few. But Caleb is doing awesome. At 4 weeks he started sleeping 8 hours a night. He's also a very low maintenance child until he knows that I am stressed out or have to take care of Tristan at the same time. Then, he acts up. Of course. :) Luckily, Tristan's babysitter is still watching Tristan during my maternity leave. Seriously, I don't know how stay-at-home moms do it. I would go bonkers. I had Tristan and Caleb together by myself the last 2 days because the babysitter had to get surgery and I seriously thought about suicide. It's intense. Of course, I think I have the worst possible ages to be put together right now. Caleb, the newborn, can't do anything for himself and Tristan also can't do anything for himself but who is also developing his temper and discovering tantrums right now. I think if Tristan was a year older it would probably be easier. That way, he could do some stuff for himself and probably not be so terrible with his anger. Who knows. Either way, I have to hand it to stay-at-home moms. If I were one, I would drink more.

Speaking of moms, I have been thinking about the topic of first time moms and why my experience as one was so different than most. Most women have a really hard time leaving their child for the first time, and maybe even more times after that. I had no problem at all. In fact, I welcomed the break. I knew that Tristan had no idea that I wasn't there and therefore he wasn't suffering from me being gone. On the other hand, if I didn't take a break, I would be suffering from a mental breakdown. But I know this isn't normal. Most women have a very difficult time leaving their child with a person or even taking a break at all. But I wish for their sake, it was easier because every mom needs that break. I firmly believe that listening to a baby's cry over and over again can make a person go insane, literally. I never understood 'Shaken Baby Syndrome' until I had a baby. But it makes sense to shake something to get it to stop crying because nothing else seems to work. I think you have to have that break so you can get back in touch with reality and talk to adults that don't cry for no reason. Time and time again, I've tried to warn new mothers-to-be that the most important thing they can do is take care of themselves but every time it never happens. But honestly, I don't know why it was so easy for me. I think I have too many male attributes to hang onto basic maternal instincts. Don't get me wrong, I am a fantastic mother and very protective of my children but only of the things that make sense to me. I would never let other children pick on my children for no reason. But at the same time I want to teach my children to stand up for themselves. But constantly holding my baby or refusing to let them EVER cry don't make sense to me. It's not possible. I mean, it might be possible but after 6 months of it the mother is more than likely drowning those kids in a bathtub. Seriously. You can't keep your kids from all the bad things in life when they're older so what makes you think you can when they're babies? Just because you have more access to them? It makes for a very unhappy mommy and more than likely it makes for a very unhappy daddy who can't understand the mommy and her feelings. And really, kids need their moms and dads to get along more than they need their moms to prevent them from crying. Of course I can say all this because I don't have to fight any urges to do otherwise. If anyone knows Vincent and I, they know that he has more tendencies to be the "woman" and I have more tendencies to be the "man". This works for us because we're balanced but it's odd because it's not the norm. I am certainly not girly and enjoy hanging out with guys watching TV and drinking beers. Vincent, on the other hand, lives for gossip. This made things easier for having our first child. Vincent was definitely nervous leaving Tristan with babysitters the first time but he wasn't fighting natural maternal instincts and he definitely didn't cry about it. With all this being said, I do wish there was a way to make it easier for first time moms to leave the house and relax. Moms of all people deserve it. They do a lot more than they're given credit for. They don't deserve to go through 9 months of hell, then a grueling number of hours of giving birth just to turn around and suffer from terrible feelings in order to get a break. Pharmaceutical companies should create a pill to help first time mothers think of themselves every once in awhile. I mean, they have drugs for every other topic under the sun. Anyway, that's just my opinion.

Other than that, life is busy, as usual. In a few weeks my dad, Caleb and I are flying out to Georgia to visit my grandparents. My grandfather wants to meet Caleb and since I am off of work it is a great time to go. I started classes last night and it looks like now I'll be graduating in the summer, hopefully. I was 1 point away from passing Accounting last semester so I have to take it again. I HATE accounting. Vincent is aggravated with me because Accounting was so easy for him and I am struggling with it. It's like a foreign language to me. I wish that if you had no intention of EVER using a subject, like Accounting, that you didn't have to take it. I know Vincent would kill me for saying this but if I could pay someone to pass this class for me, I would. Ugh, it's that bad. Also, we still haven't sold our house yet. We got rid of our real estate agent and need to find another one before we put it back on the market again. I hate this house. I mean, I loved it when it was just me and Vincent and it was party central and we stayed up late drinking and playing beer pong but now that none of that happens and we have 2 children and more toys and crap than I can deal with, this house sucks. Anyone want to buy it???

Well, it looks like I have wrote a book so that should do for now. I really do promise to try and write more. As for pictures, I can't promise that.  :)

Caleb Michael Martinez

I was born on December 16, 2010. I am the most easy going baby ever- not like my big brother :) I like to eat and eat a lot. I am always happy except when I'm hungry. But once I am not hungry anymore,  I'm back to giggling and smiling. My mom and dad are most grateful for me because my personality allows for them to take a break every now and then  :)

Caleb's Story

Caleb Michael Martinez was born on Thursday, December 16 at 8:02am. He was 8 lbs 3 ounces and 20.5 inches long. He was a scheduled C-section, for which I hope I never have to have again. For whatever reason this C-section was awful compared to the last one. I was at the hospital at 5am and the C-section was scheduled for 7:30am. The closer it got to 7:30am, the more anxious I became. When they rolled me into the OR I was planning the talk I was about to have with the doctor letting him know that I was just going to wait and have a vaginal. Seriously I have never been that anxious in my life. My heart rate went up several times and the anesthesiologist had to talk me down or they were going to have to put me to sleep. It was awful. I couldn't even enjoy Caleb's birth I was so anxious. All I could think about was getting the drugs out of my system and feeling normal again. Of course, that never happened because they loaded me with so many drugs to calm my heart rate down that it ended up having the reverse effect and I was no good to anyone after the birth. Then, on top of that, since labor was not naturally started, they had to give me Pitocin to make sure my uterus contracted back down. This was done immediately after Caleb's birth so I was having strong contractions for about 12 hours. To make things worse, the morphine was not blocking out the pain of the contractions so I felt all of them--very painful. Of course, my family and Vincent's family came to meet Caleb so the entire time our friends and family were there, I was having very strong contractions. Not a fun time. With it being scheduled, I really thought it was going to be a better delivery than Tristan's but it ended up being worse. Needless to say, that won't happen again, if I can help it.


Even though Caleb's birth was terrible he is the best baby ever. Because Tristan was our first child we didn't realize what a fussy and high maintenance baby he was until we had Caleb. Caleb is awesome. Sleeps all the time, eats perfectly fine, and then sleeps some more. The only problem we had was that he had some intolerance to milk and was spitting it up but once we figured it out, there hasn't been any problems since. Tristan adores him and tries to kiss and hug him as much as possible. But, of course, Tristan's hugs and kisses are a little too intense for Caleb so I have to monitor them very closely. We all love having him in the house and I can't wait to see what this little guy's personality will be like.

 

Uggghhhh

This is the only phrase that sums me up right now.......ugh. I am so uncomfortable right now that I really do believe that I won't be able to last till my due date. I know that I will but it really is the most miserable I've ever been. I can't sit, stand, or lay and find a comfortable position in anything. There is no such thing as a comfortable position. I don't remember being this uncomfortable with Tristan. This baby is constantly kicking. So much so that I am convinced he is bruising me. It's true. There are areas of my belly that are sore and I'm convinced that they are bruised areas. My doctor does say that it's possible so I'm convinced that it's what's happened to me. Either way, the baby has no concept of night and day. Or he's nocturnal. He wakes me up with kicking that won't stop. During the day he sleeps for a few hours in the morning and a few hours in the afternoon but the rest of the time it's kicking. And I'm pretty sure that this baby is all bones and no fat. At least that's what it feels like when he kicks and/or moves. It hurts. So, to sum up, everything hurts. I am super busy right now but it still isn't enough to keep me distracted from the pain. Ugh.

I know that I haven't blogged in awhile because I have absolutely no time but I missed it. I love writing and it also keeps everyone updated so it's nice when I get to do it. It's just the time and my lack of it. Right now I am struggling with staying focused with school. It's really hard to stay sitting in class for the full 3 and 1/2 hours so I usually end up leaving early. I am making the grades that I want to make so I should do just fine but it's just getting to the end without giving up completely. In fact, my scheduled C-section is on the day of my last final exam so I actually have to move my final exam because I sure as heck am not postponing my C-section.

Tristan has become a demon and Vincent and I are convinced it's because he knows the baby is coming. We've heard from friends with kids that this happens with the oldest. My mom said that I did the same thing. But it's terrible. If you take your eyes off of him for a second he has an entire room destroyed. He walks into a room and just starts looking for things he can break, pour out, rub on the wall, etc. On top of that he only wants me to hold him and throws a fit if I don't. Yeah, he doesn't care if my back and belly are in pain. I usually won't pick him up because I just can't at this point. So I am looking forward to the baby coming because I think after Tristan gets used to him, he'll start behaving again.

My brother Nate and his wife Nicole were living in Charleston, SC. They had a baby back in August and then my brother got orders that he was going to be stationed in California (in the Air Force). Since they had to drive their cars to California they just planned on stopping by Texas instead of us going out there to visit them and the new baby. The weekend before last they came into town for a few days and we finally got to meet little baby Ethan. Adorable. Tristan definitely had some issues with not being the center of attention and we had to watch his every move because he tried several times to punch Ethan. But after he got used to him, he was fine. But we had a great time with my brother and Nicole and Ethan. It stinks that they have to live in California. The majority of the family lives here so it would be nice to have the cousins live near each other. Oh well.

We are also in the process of building a 3rd bedroom in our house. So, on top of being extremely uncomfortable, I have to live with a mess of a house even though I'm nesting right now and it hurts me to see a mess. But I just have to tell myself that very soon it will all be done and we will be 1 step closer to selling this house. It feels like every day this house gets a little bit more smaller. Ugh.

Other than that nothing else is going on. Just counting down the days till this baby is here.That and school being done. Those 2 things behind me will make me a much better person. Until then, expect scarce blogs and even scarcer social calendar.

Here are some pics from Ethan's visit:

Update

I know I haven't blogged in forever but I warned y'all......it's been a rough couple of months. School is kicking my quickly-growing butt. Somehow I put off all of my hard classes till the last 2 semesters of my MBA career. And when I say hard.....I mean HARD. And what is it about getting old and realizing how unimportant grades are? When I was in high school, I never made a C, barely made B's, always strived for A's. Never skipped a class- such a goody-goody. College- made mostly A's & B's, a couple of C's- never skipped intentionally, only if circumstances were dire.  In my grad school career, I have calculated just what grades I have to make on my assignments in order to just pass. Plus, I try to skip class as much as possible. But with these super hard classes, I can't skip because they're subjects that have to be explained to you in detail- like Financial Accounting. I effin hate Financial Accounting. Ugh. Anyway, I am supposed to graduate May 2011 so this semester plus the Spring semester left. Cross your fingers that I pass all my classes.

My pregnancy has developed the same back pain as with Tristan. This time I prepared for it. I bought these memory foam cushions for my chair at work and my chair at home where I do all of my homework. I have 3 heating pads, one that travels around the house with me. I also have been trying to do the Wii Fit exercises that are aimed at my back but with a 15 month old, working full time, and going to school, it's becoming increasingly hard to fit those exercises in. Basically I avoid social activites that are not required because if I can't bring my heating pad and/or cushion, it's going to be miserable for me. I know, I have the worst attitude for a pregnant woman. I don't care. I know millions of woman deal with this pain all the time. I don't care. I have chosen to be selfish with this pregnancy and think about myself mainly. So that means a lot of social interaction is turned down for my sanity. Sorry.

Tristan is growing so fast. He just had his 15 month check up and his head (he's got a big head) and height are in the 75 percentile. The doctor thinks he's going to be a tall boy. He looks ridiculously long when I am holding him- me and my short heighth plus this increasingly large belly. The boy has really gotten his personality overnight. Sure, he had a personality before but now he's actually capable of being funny. For example, our babysitter disciplines him by making him sit in the "time out corner". I approve of this because it teaches him somewhat of what he is doing wrong without scarring him with physical pain. Anyway, the other night, I did not allow Tristan to eat M&M's before bed because of how much sugar he was about to intake. But he saw Vincent grab some and eat them after I told him no. He was very upset and proceeded to push Vincent across the floor. We couldn't figure out what he was doing until Vincent ended up in the corner. He put Vincent in the corner! It was awesome. I couldn't stop laughing! It seems that his sense of humor popped up in the last few weeks. I love it. I know most parents are scared of their kids being sick or having physical problems but I was always scared my kids would have no sense of humor. To me, that is the worst. I relate to everyone I know with humor so if I my own kid didn't have humor, how would I relate??? It would definitely scare me. But thank God, Tristan has a sense of humor. He finally got a "real" hair cut where I allowed most of his hair to be shaved off. It was hard but it looks soooooo much better now. It's funny how you don't realize how terrible something looked until it's gone. :) He's also about to get a toddler bed and Vincent and I are dreading that. He already tries his hardest to get out of his crib now when we put him to bed so I can't even imagine what will happen when he can. Also, our doorknobs on all of our doors aren't those round ones but the ones that have a handle that sticks out to the left that you push down on. Yep, he's figured those out. And no, there's is no way to "block" him from doing it like there is with the round doorknobs. Oh yeah, and did I mention the stairs are right outside his doorway? The same ones he thinks he doesn't have to crawl down anymore but instead try and walk down, which he can't do? Needless to say, we're avoiding this transition.

Other than that, everything is going good. Baby is fine. Vincent is doing a great job of picking up where I left off with the house and Tristan before I became overwhelmed with classes so that helps a lot! Oh and we're still trying to sell the house but we think we're going to take it off the market, build another room, and then put it back on the market and still hope to sell it before the baby is born. Who knows? At this point, I'm ready for anything so it doesn't really matter to me.

I have taken some pictures of Tristan recently and played with them some in the new photo software that Vincent got me. I love playing with the photos but I definitely know that I am no pro. So don't judge.

And fyi, I post everything on Facebook so if you're not on it (Aunt El), get on it to get even more pictures of the little guy.
Here are the pictures: